Wednesday, May 9, 2007

And Now "The Rest Of The Story!"



I look back and see the different ways each of my children and my husband reacted to the cancer. I would like to share their reactions and comments with you now.



Morgan 18 was in the AIM program in Lubbock Texas. He was a big 6'3" guy and would tell the AIM instructors, “I need to go home for a couple of days and see my Momma.” He would pack a bag, come home ever 6 or so weeks, stay for several days, lie on the bed, hold me and cry. When it was time for him to go back to school he seemed to be doing a little better.







Amber 18 still lived at home and was angry inside and out. She would rant, fly off the handle and treat me ugly. It finally dawned on me and I said, “Amber, if I die, you being ugly to me isn’t going to make your loss any easier.” She threw her arms around me and sobbed uncontrollably, "I can't loose another mother!"





Rachel 16 saw that her Momma was very ill and rationalized, ‘I’ll find someone to fill that void and it won’t hurt so much.’ She attached herself to the first boy to come by. For many months we knew she was lost to us and to God. In September between a staff infection and a blood infection she came back to God and us, wounded, hurting, but our precious daughter.



Rebekah 12 packed her bags and moved in with friends of the family and announced, “It’s ok if you die. They will love me and take care of me.” Several times a month she would return to wash her clothes, repack her bags and leave again. I was so ill and my thoughts were, ‘Whatever it takes for this little one of mine to endure.”



Daryl, my knight in shining armor worked to hold our world together. He was a tough warrior that kept the troops, while the enemy continued to breach the walls. So many times I was ready to give up, but he would be there strong, steady and sure.........."Daryl, you are my hero!"

7 Years Later

I asked my family, “What was the hardest thing about the cancer?” “Are you a better person today?” What did your learn from this?” Their responses:

Morgan 25, “I was terrified I would wake up and you would be gone; there would be no place on earth where you would be.” “I learned to stand up for myself and the relationship with my sisters and Dad grew stronger.”

Amber 26, “Mom, you just quit living and doing things.” “You weren’t the strong, steady person I had come to rely on.” “I had always heard about God, but I started to see God.” “Up until cancer I had gone on your’s and Dad’s faith, now because of cancer I have my own faith.” “Everything was about God; the statistic continued to be bad and I saw it had nothing to do with you or statistics, but God. Over and over God would beat the statistics; I saw His power.”

Rachel 23, "This is hard for me to talk about, but I couldn’t imagine losing you.” “I was so rebellious, so afraid; the cancer opened my eyes and helped me see the truth.” "I wish I had handled things differently, I wish I had been stronger, but looking back I see how strong I was and how strong I have become."

Rebekah 20, “You were always so tired. You would be here one day and gone the next.” “Life seemed to move in slow motion.” “I learned not to run from my problems, but face them. Don’t freak out, don’t look to the future, but live for today.”

Daryl, “Just you asking me this question makes me want to cry.” “I was most afraid of being alone; not hearing your voice; I would miss all the goofy things you do and how much I would get frustrated with you.” “God taught me to appreciate the little things.” “It brought the kids and me closer and taught us to rely on Him.”

Jeremiah 33:3
'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'

12 comments:

Neva said...

Monalea


wow!


love ya
n

TREY MORGAN said...

Brought tears to my eyes. I'd just like to add that Daryl is my hero too. You were blessed.

I said a prayer just now and thanked God for him and his strength.

Stachia said...

Monalea,
What an awesome story! I lost my Mom when I was 19 to cancer and i certainly understand all of the feelings your children had. What a strong and faithful woman you are. Like Neva said WOW!

Anonymous said...

You have such a strong family that loves you so much. Their faith and yours in God is what brought you through this horrible disease. He is still bringing you through this. You will be here for a long time to come. I need you to tell me stories and make me laugh my dear rollercoaster friend. Love, Me

The Preacher's Household: said...

I love that there is a rest of the story. I love that it didn't just stop at the tears, struggles and loneliness. You are such a testimony to the love of God.
Good for your kids and for Daryl that they were who they were then and who they are now. God is good, all the time.
Thanks for the tears my precious friend,
kathy

Monalea said...

Neva, I love you 2-3-6!

Trey, you have always been such a support to me and mine. Thank you!

Stachia, sometimes when you are so deep into your own pain you miss everyone elses. Rachel had a hard time telling me how she felt. I really appreciate you sharing with me. I lost my dad to cancer when I was 9.

Dear Roller Coaster Friend,
I want to tell you stories for a long, long time and make you laugh. I want to know you and love you even more!

Monalea said...

Kathy, I have always loved "the rest of the story" too. I feel like "His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot." Jeremiah 20:9

Mommysmart said...

I love the full circle perspective. It is amazing how differently we handle life at different stages and ages. Shows us that God knows what he is doing and has a GIANT plan for all of our lives. You are blessed to have a great family (and I suspect that you may something to do with that).

Monalea said...

Monica, we definitely put the fun in dysfunctional.

I'm glad you reminded me that God has a GIANT plan. I often forget.

Monalea

David of Frogtown said...

Thank you for sharing your story!

The Preacher's Household: said...

Daryl & Monalea,

I too prayed during those times. But as I reflect back I am afraid I did not offer the support I could/should have. It is amazing to see where you guys have gone. As Monica said we all change and hopefully grow through our events. It is clear in your lives. God's blessing today.

James

Monalea said...

James,
I have always seen you as one who has loved and supported our family.

Monalea